You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
