I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
