Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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