remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
