I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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