She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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