When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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