life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
3pm strippers are depressing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
