a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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