We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
