dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
