I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
