Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
