Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
