Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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