fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
