you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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