I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
