We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
