Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
