did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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