Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
