I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
