Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
