Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
