Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
