What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
