Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
