Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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