I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
