um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
why is half of my head shaved?
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