Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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