I have demons in me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
