but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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