So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
