Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
