Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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