sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
