Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
