i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
