There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
