Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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