I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
