i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I could fuck to npr.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
