Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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