I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
