You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
