btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
