The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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