I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
