Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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