at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
