hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
