We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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